coffee break story

organizing

Organizing: Proven Concepts For A Little Home Sweet Home

Homemaking: enriching art,  or unending drudgery?

If you ask Rebecca Phillips of RYouReadyToOrganize, it can definitely be the former. Because like anything else, our perception informs our attitude.

So she’s all about easy, steady steps to transform your home into the haven you deserve. Which means she goes beyond organizing: she also shares her passion for indoor/outdoor gardening and simple recipes (especially baking 🍞) to nurture our bodies and our spirits. 

Today’s #CoffeeBreakStory continues my series about Everyday Women Over 50 living contently on their own terms, regardless of the latest societal trend. Because after years of fulfilling others’ expectations and needs, now is our time to go deep with stuff that personally lights us up! ✨

RYouReady to meet a new friend? Grab your coffee ☕️ —let’s go!

housewife or homemaker

What's In A Name?

Let’s just admit that the term “housewife” gets a cringe these days. While it was socially acceptable 50-some years ago, it’s been replaced with Soccer Mom ⚽️ and, later on, Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM). Anything to justify and even dignify tending to the house. Though someone’s gotta do it sometime, no?

Even “homemaker” sounds quaint or old-fashioned to some. And women of a certain age (like me) remember the “domestic goddess” moniker! It was supposed to elevate the essential yet unpaid role. Somehow, it felt a little silly…and it continued to be an unpaid job! 🤷🏻‍♀️

For Rebecca, though, it’s all semantics. Certainly, she’s sensitive to people’s preferences. But in her view, creating and maintaining a home sanctuary is a timeless, worthwhile endeavor.

And she has no issue with calling herself a professional homemaker. 

I think that what I do is quite different from most organizers. What I do is all of homemaking. It’s not just organizing. So whatever you see as a homemaker for you…whatever your vision is? That’s what you should do! Your home is your castle. What kind of homemaker do you wanna be? (chuckles) I really don’t care…you decide what you want to do!

Now before you erroneously assumes my friend is the new June Cleaver, know that she earned her master’s in social work and administration. For many years, Rebecca was knee-deep with writing grants, assembling contracts, and guiding small businesses with organizing their paperwork. All of which formed a solid foundation when she decided to exit the corporate world and work from, on, and in her home. 

When she met and married the love her life at age 39, Rebecca willingly relocated across state lines and began creating a new life chapter. Fast forward 20+ years later, she has transformed her stay-at-home hobbies into a small business that promotes the beautiful art of homemaking. It’s a part-time endeavor that brings her full-time pleasure—plus some rainy day funds! 

RYouReadyToOrganize also serves as the platform for her to continue what she does best: encouraging and helping others create a happy place in their homes. 

My favorite is one-on-one: getting them to streamline or let go of things—you know, a lot of stuff that doesn’t serve them well and is weighing them down. It’s great!

And it all revolves around a little organization.

organizing goals

The Allure of Organized Stuff

Who doesn’t gravitate towards all the pretty pictures of uniform shelves, drawers, and closets pristinely and precisely organized by color, product, season? I’m no different. 😍 Home goals, amiright?

Yet how realistic is it to expect a well-loved, lived-in home to always look this way? Who cares to constantly be picking up, wiping down, and putting things back just so? Endlessly accordian-folding our panties (!) per Marie Kondo specifications? 🙄

Granted, a certain amount of maintenance is mandatory to fend off chaos. But Rebecca deliberately chooses to focus on what makes unique sense for each of her clients. She figures out what matters most to them, with what they own already.

Which means purchasing all new organizational systems is not always the answer.

Most organizers I know create a Better Home & Gardens room, take a picture of it, and say, “Isn’t this perfect?” (laughs) I don’t want that! Who’s gonna do that? It’s really a letdown. Many people have told me, they see those pictures and they’re beautiful, but it’s not gonna happen in their homes. They just wanna take their stuff and maybe add to it, or maybe repurpose it. So I’m not about perfectionism … I’m not about magazine covers.

For picture-perfect fantasy rooms? Check in with Martha Stewart or The Home Edit ladies!

For simple yet real-world home tips? Rebecca is our gal!  

Either Or

Introducing: Either/Or

And now, time for a game of “Either/Or” —a rapid-fire fun Q&A to find out what you and Rebecca have in common!

M: All right, I want to ask you a series of “either/or” choices and this is fast. No overthinking!

R: (gasp) Oh, drink!

M: (chuckles) Yes, chug that coffee! 

R: OK, it’s actually bone broth. 😇  (sips)… Ready!

M: Cook or Clean?

R: Cook 👩‍🍳

M: Cats or Dogs?

R: Dogs 🐶

M: Decorate or Garden?

R: Garden 🌱

M: Organize or Declutter?

R: Declutter. 🗑 (pauses) Believe it or not! Organizing is harder than decluttering.

M: IG or FB?

R: IG 🌅

M: Hawaiian Pizza or Fish Tacos?

R: Fish Tacos, yum! 🌮

M: Wine or Beer?

R: Wine!! 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

M: OK, game over. Rebecca? Sweetheart?? Put the wine down now… 🤭

R:  Oh—Okely-dokely! (Hic!) 😵 

Note to self:  feature less spirited options in the beverage question…

The Wrap on Organizing Concepts With Rebecca

organizing with Rebecca

Rebecca and I connected on IG over our mutual love for living with only the things that we truly need, use or love.

In a frothy social media sea of selfies and style, she is a heart-warming, down-to-earth soul. What you see is what you get. And what you’ll get is kindness and a knack for making your home comfortable and cozy.

When her husband retires next Spring, a move will be in their future. After a little decluttering of her own (’cause that’s life), packing, and settling into a new home, then what?

She foresees a lot of golfing, birding, and fishing in her future small town. Sounds like a woman who knows what paradise looks like in her next chapter! ✨

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pick up those proven organizing, gardening, and cooking tips when you head over to Rebecca’s sites:

I am genuinely impressed with how she has identified her Happy Path and is living her dream, whether it’s in vogue or not. That’s my kinda style!

*Images of Rebecca were sourced from her website/IG and stylized by Mary 

Midlife Stories

Your Turn!

My hope is that sharing these Everyday Women’s stories will inspire you to shift with courage into what brings you joy!

  • How’s your #Over50 chapter going?
  • What’s new with you?

Click here ⬇️ to drop me a line…and thanks for stopping by! 🤗

maryv@shiftyourstories.com

shift with mary v
third trimester

Finding My Stride In The Third Trimester Of Life

Umm…what the heck does she mean by “my third trimester“? 🤔

This: I intend to live into my 90s (or die trying 😜) so I’m simply dividing my life story into thirds. And last month, I officially stepped into my final third when I turned 60! 🎂 🔥 🚿🚒 

(Humor me ▶️ )

WooHoo….Didja dance with me?? 💃🏻

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

OK, now I have to say, this new perspective on my remaining years  feels quite ingenious. Recently, I’d been fretting about how to Have Purpose, Keep Learning, and Remain Productive. I shared those concerns here, if you missed it. And all because I was still stuck in high-gear-career mode.

30+ year habits take time to shift! 🙄

Yet ironically, once I hit publish with that post, I felt my angst begin to dissolve! To be clear, I still had no epiphany as to exactly what I would do in my last trimester.

However, once I no longer viewed “retirement” as the great divide…the beginning of the end… an inevitable descent into old age and irrelevancy…I was able to exhale. To relax. To anticipate genuine glimmers of great possibilities ahead! 🌟

In other words, it was time to treat this third life chapter as an exciting, vibrant transition rather than a sad, downhill decline! 🤯 

Got your mug refilled? ☕️ Read on for how I’m defining life’s phases as I shift into the culmination of a life well-lived (’cause it’s not over yet!) 🌱☀️

1st Trimester: Finding Our Footing

Who am I
anastasiya gepp | pexels

Our first 30 years are really about figuring out who we are and how we fit into the world.

There is no singularly perfect timeline for this. Some may readily identify where they want to go and their path appears smooth and uninterrupted. (emphasis on “appears”—no one is without doubt and angst!)

Others take the “scenic route” which has detours and delays and even occasional dead-ends. Yet who’s to say this isn’t the best path for them?

In either case, we are developing self-awareness and seeking what lights us up, as we find a place in this world. It’s a trimester of tremendous growth, hope, and discovery.

And with focused intention, we can continue to hone who we are in the next two trimesters, as well!

2nd Trimester: Manifesting Dreams 'n' Goals

busyness
sarah chai | pexels

Next, our second trimester (ages 30-60) is about creating and building the life we want. 

Like most, I juggled family and work duties. Yet homemaking was not my first goal. In fact, I recall deliberately passing on typing class in high school as I was determined to be more than a secretary (OK, a wee bit short-sighted, per my permanently wonky keyboard skills! 😜) 

I had eagerly responded to the societal call in the 80s: “Go be anything you want to be—you can!”. My career path was made possible by the many, many tenacious women before me who demanded the power and right to choose a path outside the home. I found it thrilling. 

Yet that phrase, “work-life balance”? The reality was incredibly exhausting, since something always has to give. 🙇🏻‍♀️

3rd Trimester: Releasing Our Inner Child

third trimester
image by anderson guerra from pexels

This is the final trimester which brings us full circle!

Once again we’re back to figuring out who we are and how we fit into the world.

However, all the angst we felt in our 1st trimester with worrying what others think? Who cares! Time to let that go and pursue what we want. It’s our life!

And still basing our value on what we do for a living, how high we climbed the corporate ladder, how much stuff we amassed, and how much we earned? Time to let all of this go, as well! 

We are uniquely and intrinsically worthy just as we are! 🌟

It’s not an overnight process to release longstanding beliefs or ideas about what gives us purpose and validation.

We are essentially finding our footing again. But when we are patient with ourselves and the retirement process, we can start savoring the joy to be uncovered.

Now our inner child can relish the freedom of choosing how to write the script for our third trimester. 

It’s almost dizzying to consider all the possibilities before us! So yes, it will take time as we explore and try out new routines and activities.

Which is why starting with the basic pleasure of Simply Being is ever-so important.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Bonus: Don’t miss the humorous yet wise retirement revelations from Dr. Riley Moynes ▶️ I tracked with everything he said (except for the cinnamon buns 🥧 ’cause I’m a keto eater!).

The Wrap

third trimester

Achieving the 60-year milestone does not have to mean the beginning of the end.

To the contrary, this can signal the start of a very fruitful, satisfying period of our lives. It’s all a matter of perspective.

When I reflect on the last year, I recognize that I grappled with tunnel vision when it came to defining myself. I was also hard on myself with needing to figure things out Right Now

This can happen to anyone, especially when performance in the corporate world is constantly measured and subjected to someone else’s deadlines.

And even though I knew I’m in charge of my pace and direction from hereon, I still had difficulty with releasing old stories and writing a new one. I didn’t want to be judged by others. Yet I was judging myself all along! Not fun.

But now? I’m ready! 🙌🏼

I’m choosing to make it a positively soul-satisfying adventure that only I design and direct as much as possible—how about you?

What do you think?

  • Are you also between life stories?
  • How is the transition with writing a new one going for you?
  • What’s your biggest challenge?
  • What are some of your own “a-ha!” realizations?

Feel free to drop me a line at: maryv@shiftyourstories.com 📬

...and thanks for stopping by! 🤗

step

Stepping Back Can Be A Step In The Right Direction

#CoffeeBreakStory: Taking Stock When Stepping Back

Happy September! 🍁 Like our ever-so-cultured European friends, I was on hiatus most of August. Actually, I started stepping back in mid-July, when we packed the RV and headed North on a road trip to Colorado. We were seeking cooler temps and different scenery. Turns out, I was also ISO a mindset reset. 🤪

My mini retreat was overdue. Per usual, I was focused on lofty goals at full bore, until they felt elusive and too much to pursue. The thrill was gone. As my discomfort increased, I worked my way into a rut without realizing it until I got stuck.

So stepping back meant no writing and (almost) no social media. I amassed endless travel photos and videos out of habit but few made an appearance on IG. I just didn’t have the energy to post on the “TikTok Wannabe” platform. Infinite reels made my eyes cross and I resented the excess time needed to find familiar, friendly faces. I was likely hidden, as well, so why bother? 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Time off was incredibly healing on a number of levels. Now I’m easing my way back in, even though what lies ahead remains somewhat undefined. However, just getting back into motion can be instrumental for landing on what’s next. And if nothing else, I’ve also sussed out some of what it’s not going to be, which is equally useful.

Today I’m musing about what prompted a pause. I’ll be sharing more in future stories about the revelations uncovered along the way. This story is a little longer than others but clarity of purpose is a big topic. That’s why I’m breaking it into a short series, to keep the #coffeebreakstory somewhere between a Short and a Venti ☕️. So freshen yours up and here we go!

stepping back

¿ Midlife Crisis Maybe ?

To be honest, it felt like a second “identity crisis” was unfolding this year. (Yes, overachiever that I am, one wasn’t enough 😅)

If you’re new, here’s a quick 1-2-3 recap: my first one descended at age 53 when an unexpected corporate restructuring set me loose in 2016. Ambition was engraved in my work DNA genes, so it was a rude awakening to figure out my next move.  “Lady of Leisure” was not the new role I sought.

First, I grappled with the realization that relocating for this consuming career had left me fairly friendless in my new city, as I shared over here.

Second, I eagerly accepted an invitation for a road trip (I sense a 🚘 theme here, you?) with my former interior designer. She wanted a companion for a consultation with a new client in Ojai, California.

We bonded famously with our dry wit, passion for home design, and taste for aged tequila. When we returned, we built a small business. Our downsizing service was a time and labor intensive model but it filled a serious gap in the older adult community.

Third, I ultimately shuttered those doors permanently on the heels of Covid-19. It was time to use just my words, from the comfort of my own home. Which meant I pivoted to virtual coaching. And then once more to publishing my first book! 📕

Phew–that was a busy time! 😤 

stepping back

Stepping Back Clues

While I learned a lot about myself along the way, my energy and enthusiasm started waning in 2022.

For me, the tell-tale signs for stepping back included:

  1. An infrequent sense of anxiety (Remember that feeling when you didn’t study for an exam?! 😨) 
  2. General irritability with both myself and others (Inner Perfectionist rearing her nit-picky head! 😈)
  3. Discontent with my until-now perfectly lovely routine (I need a new project! 😞)
  4. Uncertainty with what to do next (Imma stuck … 😣)

It’s so unpleasant to find myself at these crisis crossroads again. Just when I thought I had my life figured out —surprise, not yet! 🤡   

Sigh—back to the drawing board!

time to grow

Here I Grow Again !

A friend recently suggested my angst is perhaps because I’m turning 60 this month. Hmmm…🤔…don’t think so…

The decade that I dreaded most (so far) was turning 40. It just seemed to define “The Official Start of Old Age” 🤣. Little did I know at 39 that I would still feel vibrant and remain active 20 years later.

I’m actually thrilled that my younger self was wrong about 60. To be sure, I’m oldish and well past my halfway point but I don’t feel old. I mostly feel wiser. More comfortable in my own skin.

And I’m in good company, with all the “50 is the new 40” declarations which started circulating several years ago. For good reason, I might add: We have a “third act” waiting to unfold!  

A couple years ago, I envisioned my third act would be as an author. I’ve always enjoyed writing. Once I started, it felt quite natural. Even when it’s work to find the right words and the edits are endless, I love it. And out of all the people who say they want to write a book some day—I did it! 🌟 Go, me!

I’m thrilled that my book has enjoyed moderate success. 2021 was a whirlwind of sharing it on podcasts, in local newspapers, with book clubs and in little free libraries. It’s available in both E-book and paperback with major retailers. 

But for wider commercial reach, the self-promotion can’t ever stop. The show must go on. And on. Ohh, I hates that I do! 😖 So cringey for me. I got burned out. I stopped. Can’t I just write? (apparently not)

Also, maybe I didn’t want to be pigeon-holed with decluttering after all. Maybe it was all just a metaphor for clearing space in my own life. Making room for more changes. For something new. Maybe I’ll write another book about something completely different. Or not…whoa! 🤯 

And just like that, I knew it was time for a pause. Time to start pruning old branches for new growth to occur. 🌺

trimester

Prepping for What's Next

When one chapter is ending and another is waiting to begin, stepping back is how I re-discover relevancy.

Simply going about my ordinary household routine, I’m giving my overworked brain a rest. Repetitive tasks like laundry or meal prepping are mindlessly comforting. So is lightly decluttering closets and drawers (it never ends). Or puttering in my garden. Or playing my favorite daily NYT games and puzzles.

In fact, my right shoulder had been aching for some time, too. Sitting at my desk, hunched over my keyboard for hours was partly to blame. I also don’t discount the mental overload manifesting as pain in my body, as well. Which is why bingeing on streaming services felt entirely justified. Afternoon matinees 🎥 on the couch with my dogs dozing next to me? Glorious!

In other words, I leaned in and savored present day real life moments and tiny pleasures. I dialed down the incessant noise of social media. Sure, I continued to keep up with current affairs. But anything that urged me to Be Big, Be Busy or Be Known? Hard pass! 🚫 

I’m not saying I’ll never resume engagement with social media. But I’m not falling deep down that rabbit hole again. It’s too easy to succumb to its infinite demands on my time, energy, and attention. I’ve made peace with saying, “No, thank you—that’s not for me. I’ll pop on and off when it works for me!” 

Instead, I’m focused on how I want to show up in my third act. 🧐 Breaking the twitch with a corporate identity is quite an adjustment. It seems I’m a “leetle” hard-wired for productivity. 

Friends my age confide that they would love being home full-time if they didn’t rely on their current gig or paycheck. I’m blessed that I’m not tethered to that.

But I do need to be creating or building something. I’m not a “Lady Who Lunches” kinda gal. Which is why I feel restless. Redundant. I need more to justify my presence. 

And so I’m pondering how to wield my skills once again. It’s not about making money, It’s about making a difference. Being useful outside my household.  Connecting with others to encourage and lift each other up. This could translate into so many different things but you get the idea.

More to come!

clearing space

The Wrap on Stepping Back

I’m not yearning for retirement years filled only with leisure. I’m sure that’s ideal for some but I’m just not there yet.

Shifting into a new life chapter is not always an easy transition. It can take some kicking, resisting, and soul searching. Throw in some sleepless nights and general angst, too. It all makes sense, when you consider that there’s a change in one’s identity occurring, too.

But the older I get, the better I am with recognizing when it’s time for something else. And so far, it’s been my experience that a new life chapter is always worth the effort it takes to turn the page and start writing a new script!

Does any of this resonate with you? I’d love to hear…and thanks for stopping by!

Other Resources for your enjoyment

***A sublime meditative poem for your listening pleasure!

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mixing up midlife podcast

***Terri and Melissa, of Mixing Up Midlife are back from their own summer break! Head here to catch up!

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next

The Next Step Is … Actually, I’m Not Quite Sure–You?

Your Next #CoffeeBreakStory!

While you might think writers are generally writing for others, I think there are many times we are actually writing for ourselves. Unless it’s an appliance manual or some other dry instructional pamphlet … though someone’s gotta write those (just not me!)

But when we write from the heart, we write what we feel compelled to share. We write what flows from our souls and top-of-mind. And while our content may resonate, reassure or uplift someone else, most times, it’s often what we ourselves need to hear! That’s what makes writing so personal.

Yet sometimes, the impetus fades. Enthusiasm wanes. Clarity blurs. A pause is needed as we wonder, Now what?
… … …

Which is the prompt for today’s #CoffeeBreakStory. I find myself at this very crossroads again. It’s a mashup of discomfort, revelation and relief! Yet with a very definite overlay of “okay, fine–but what’s next?”

Don’t get me wrong: No one is coming to tell me what to do! I firmly believe our next move is entirely up to us. I’m just not quite sure what that is for me. I feel like the last couple years have been an exercise in figuring out what it isn’t going to be! Which is extremely valuable intel, no?

But after several occasions of thinking I found it … or I was found … Nope, not quite yet!

So for now, I’m on pause with writing on Medium, the platform I talked about in the kickoff to #CoffeeBreakStories over here. 

Although I’ve been known to slip out of social events when I’m not feeling the vibe, it felt properly adult to announce to my Medium followers that I’m taking a hiatus. 

Got your beverage of choice refilled? Here’s the story I shared there:

next
image by Bogdan R. Anton from Pexels

A Personal Journey Continues...

next
image by Dmitriy Ganin from Pexels

The Wrap On The Next Chapter

When things feel like a grind, it’s a good sign that it’s time to slow down and even pause for a bit. 

Whoever gets a map with a direct route from Point A, The Dream, to Point B, The Achievement? Anybody? 👎 Didn’t think so!

What brings us joy and fulfillment can and will evolve over time. Don’t be afraid to shift when your intuition nudges you to check out a different path.

I’m feeling that way with Medium (and perhaps with social media in general!) So a couple of upcoming trips will be the perfect time to figure things out. 

Meanwhile, I’ll still be here weekly— I hope you’ll join me, too! 😊

~~~~~

Oh, and when you have six extra minutes (a two-cup coffee break) , do listen 🎧  to this Ted Talk brilliantly delivered by (gulp) a 16-year old! Hey, I’m willing to consider wisdom from some surprising resources. Halle shares some very compelling reminders about life journeys. 

present moments

Drink In The Respite and Renewal of Ordinary Present Moments

Take five for a new coffee break story!

The present moments feel satisfyingly full when I appreciate what a gift they truly are!

I’m referring to the mundane tasks, ordinary moments, and non-events that are legitimate parts of my day. Those commonplace aspects are invaluable counterparts that let the occasional extraordinary moments and thrilling activities shine. And they also give relief to my active squirrel brain, ha!

Young children and older adults seem to readily grasp the beauty of average present moments. The former are yet unburdened with the business and busyness of life. And the latter are wise to fewer days stretching ahead than behind; they no longer take any time for granted. 

Today’s 2-minute Coffee Break Story celebrates our present moments! If you’re new to these tiny tales, they’re short form reads, 5-minutes or less. You’ll find links to prior #coffeebreakstories below.

For now, refill your cup, sit back, relax, and enjoy!

present moments
Image by Artem Beliaikin

Present Moments Matter

Present Moments
Mary V's Happy Place

Coffee Story Wrap On Present Moments

We are served selected slices of other people’s stories all day long. It’s easy to get caught up in 24-7 cajoling to constantly be in motion with something exciting, admirable, or new. Sometimes, it makes our own ordinary days feel lacking. I don’t buy into that (any more), nor should you! 

Slow down. Breathe. Step mindfully into your day.

Focus on your commonplace present moments and you’ll start to treasure just how invaluable they are.

+++     +++     +++

Make room for this soulful contemplation of the ordinary by the extraordinary Eckhart Tolle. His calm delivery lowers my blood pressure!

Head here to catch up with the kickoff of Coffee Break Stories. 

And thanks for stopping by!

determination

Weekend Coffee Break Story: A 2-Minute Musing On Determination

Here's Your Weekend Coffee Break Story!

Time to roll out a new coffee break story—and this one’s  about determination!

If you’re new to the Friday format, you can circle back here to catch last week’s intro with a double shot serving! You’ll also get a briefing on Medium, another writing and reading platform where I also hang.

I chose this shortie about determination because it seems we need this trait, more than ever. The pace of life has really picked up, now that we are finally out and about again. All kinds of possible paths are beckoning.

Have you identified a new goal or dream for yourself recently? How exciting! But when your progress starts to falter, remember to rely on your inner grit to keep going strong!

Determination
unknown artist of oil painting at the Milwaukee Art Museum

There Will Be Days Like This

... and then they pass

The Wrap On Determination

No one achieves their dreams without some hard work, patience and, of course, determination!

You’ve already accomplished much in your life. And so I know you have the determination to do more. I’m cheering you on!

If you’re feeling stuck, check out this article on perfectionism over here.

You can be unstoppable—get ready, set, and go!

—and thanks for stopping by!

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